The Power of We

My team of WE (not including my parents)

Today was an interesting day. I went into it begrudgingly because I had to do something I didn't wan
t to do, but I gave myself an attitude adjustment on the way, which gave me permission to take a step back to learn something new.

There are so many thoughts and discoveries to process from today, but I'm going to focus on the one thing that is freshest on the mind at this ripe hour of 10:00 pm. I should first mention that this discovery came while watching the last two episodes of Parenthood this evening at my friend's house. TV is one of those phenomenons in life that has increasingly taken over simple evening chatter with friends, that perhaps used to be focused on the happenings of the day. Call this escapism, or what you will, but know that sometimes the biggest lessons come from those escapes.

If you have been following along this blog for the past couple of weeks, you likely know that I am in my month of no MS. I have been 90% successful, but the reality is, I'm learning that I will never get a 100% free month because there are doctor appointments that need to be scheduled, shots that need to be remembered AND taken, and medicine that needs to be picked up from the pharmacy, just to name a few realities. However, on the obsessing front, I've been pretty good. I've only made a couple of jokes and my friend here in cbus has given me permission to talk when she can see that I am having an internal struggle that necessitates a few sentence rant.

Anyway, back to Parenthood... If you watch the show, you know about the family's supportive nature, but what you also get to see is how people can all react differently to the same situation. One of the most recent struggles on the show involves the dad needing heart surgery and all of the children have different struggles with the potential loss of their father, but what really impacted me was the interaction between the father and his daughter-in-law. Zeek (dad) and the daughter in law both have experienced significant health crisis throughout the course of the show. Tonight they bonded over the fact that they couldn't stand how their supporters would say WE will get through this, WE will figure this out, WE so on and so forth. This discussion was very interesting because I oddly find comfort in the exact opposite, and can certainly appreciate why the supporters are compelled to use the word we when addressing the issue of a health problem.

The fact of the matter is I know that I can use all the support I can get, and when someone says WE when talking about one of my problems, it makes me feel less of the weight. I, in fact, love when people say 'we' and thrive on knowing they are there. For example, I know I will never have to face a brain doctor appointment alone because 'we' will go and take in all the information, and 'we' will process that information in a positive way. I also know that 'we' will deal with the emotional challenges, and 'we' will figure out the finances, and 'we' will find a treatment that will work for the side effects. This is a true testement to my friends and family. They give me the gift of WE every time they use the term.

For those of you who may be out there struggling with people saying we when you are the person who has to physically and emotionally deal with a chronic disease, I want to remind you of something very important. People may be saying 'we' so that you don't feel alone, but more importantly, the people who are by your side are also struggling and may be having an emotional reaction. Because we are in the situation together, albeit from different positions in the doctor's office, if we are lucky, we are surrounded by people who are willing to take on the new information with us. Embrace the WE and let people lift you up with their love in the way they know how, and guide them to enhance that support by teaching them what you might need.

Afterall, WE are lucky to have the love and support, and that is one of the most valuable lessons I have learned from MS.

Next week, watch out for another post about my discoveries from today!

The Elephant

I'm in the sixth day of this little game I play with myself sometimes called MS Free time. What might MS free time entail? It is just a period of time in which I stop all talk about MS, and resume my life as if I was never diagnosed. Simply put, I just quiet my loquacious nature for a bit. I don't totally ignore MS though... I still take my meds. Oh, and I had a brief conversation with my mom about it today, but that was less about my MS and more about emotions surrounding chronic diseases.

I have successfully gone MS free on several occasions, one of which was my trip to Canada in the beginning of the summer. So why am I blogging about it then? Because, as my mom said today, I don't know how to quiet my mind. My friend and I talk about my inability to relax, I disagree and was telling my mom I am great at relaxing, which is true, but only physically. I mean I can ignore dishes in my sink and the ring around my bathtub for weeks out of my 'need' to relax, but my mind NEVER settles and relaxes. The time I was able to best settle my mind was when my buddy Mike coaxed me into practicing Buddhism. I'll tell you what, there is nothing like chanting away, in a language that you don't understand, to pull you away from your mind. Focusing on what syllable comes next is about all my mind can handle when I am sitting in a room with a hundred people chanting. It is somewhat soothing, but I would always get so focused on the words because I never wanted to mess up my neighbor with my bad pronunciations of the sacred words my neighbor was saying, and actually understood.

After my brief conversation with my mom today, I am understanding that being in a room with a person who has a chronic disease can be very similar to my experience in the Buddhist temple. I never wanted to disrupt the rhythm of the person sitting next to me, to gain a better understanding of the words, because they were so focused. The reality is, that person would have probably welcomed my questions and curiosity because I would have been trying to gain insight on something that is so precious to them.

You see, having a chronic disease is like walking around with a big elephant sitting on your shoulders, and it takes a special person to approach you and knock that elephant away. Last week I had the pleasure of spending time with a friend that I don't get to see or talk to very often. This friend asked me questions that may have been perceived as uncomfortable to the closest eavesdropper. The questions ranged from relationships to MS (which actually is best described as a relationship in my world), and I graciously answered every question, and was actually delighted to have someone ask the questions that very few will bring up.

So what does this all mean anyway? Well two things. The first is, if every you approach someone who tells you they have a chronic disease, don't feel like you can't ask questions and explore their situation. They likely want to talk and are more than willing to share their experiences with you. Not to mention, you might get to hear them talk about the fact that they initially thought they had formaldehyde poisoning, NOT MS...

Second lesson is really specifically for me: The MS breaks are necessary. This past weekend, I had the most fun having carefree conversation while installing doors at my friend's house. I think the reason I was able to let my guard down and just have fun making mistakes and a mess at someone else's house is simply because the elephant does not exist with this friend!

So, here's the thing. I'm not scared to talk about it, neither should you. Let's work to turn that elephant into a tiny little mouse!